The Little Bundle of Anxiety... Joy

On January 10, 2016 around 9'o clock in the morning my life changed forever. My daughter was born into this world.

Being pregnant isn't a huge deal at all.. you'll know when the child is born. It is a big deal. I did not have any problem until the moment I realised that I wasn't producing much breastmilk. That's when the pink clouds cleared all of a sudden. I was dehydrated during labor, remember?

What people don't realise is that it is perfectly normal for breastmilk to take some time to come in. It may take a few days even. Thats when the stress levels go up and thats just what you don't need at the moment. Stress is inversely proportional to production of breastmilk.

You will get judged as a bad mommy if you are not able to breastfeed the baby. It is not going to help your already anxious self. Every other person visiting you will have an opinion. The only choice you are going to have is to learn to ignore those opinions. You are not a bad mommy if you are not able to produce breastmilk.

Newsflash: baby blues are real! It is not a myth. I had to deal with baby blues and I still get a little anxious if I'm not able to calm my baby down. It's perfectly natural for people to feel that way and if anybody tells you that you are overreacting, punch them in the face. It is you who is having to deal with it not them.

I cried when she cried uncontrollably. I cried when her umbilical stump fell off, I felt as if the connection was cut. The last reminder of the bond was gone. At that moment it did not matter that the baby was indeed bonding with me at a much better level. I just had to cry it out. I missed having my baby in the womb. Me crying holding the fallen umbilical stump is going to be a funny story someday but at the moment it was a real deal!

What matters is that you have to keep calm and carry on. It takes some time for the baby to understand motherese and for you to understand babylish. The key is to ignore the unnecessary questions. Have you fed the baby? Why is the baby not putting on weight? You have to eat a lot! Are you sure you have enough milk? I will do everything that is in my power to feed my baby. Paying heed to such questions is bound to make you doubt yourself.

Sleep deprivation is the focus point of all parenting jokes. The jokes aren't really jokes, they are the truth disguised as jokes. Thank god somebody had the sense of humour. Add that to the physical stress and you've got a great cocktail for the beginnings of  depression. That's why you've gotta sleep when the baby sleeps, not sit and write pointless blogs like these. I've gotten used to this but I still can't go 24 hours without sleep.

I spoke to a friend of mine who had had a baby recently. Her case seemed worse than mine. She was managing it really well. She was taking care of the baby and everything else on her own. That inspired me, made me count my blessings. I bathed my daughter on my own that day, with a little help of course. Doing things on my own has always given me the strength. After all this, one fine day I had a lightbulb moment. All the mothers have gone through this. My respect for mothers multiplied.

Don't let people tell you that you cannot do it. There is no right or wrong way of parenting. Your child is your responsibility. Responsibility can sometimes be fun too. 

When people told me to enjoy even the crying I did not understand. But as time goes on I am beginning to understand that. She is not going to be this little for very long. One day she is going to do things on her own, she'll not need mommy to burp, poop, pee or puke. 

I'll admit that I am still not super confident. I get worried from time to time. I've never been a mother before! I am a novice when it comes to bringing up baby. The anxiety is not going to go away, but I am confident that the joy will take over soon.

Wish me luck!